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The name of this post was inspired by my friend, Don Whitney’s book, Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health. It’s a great read by a great author. Dr. Whitney’s questions made me want to apply them to my marriage.

Whether your marriage is struggling or thriving, I think we can strengthen our marriages when we ask good questions. Here are 10 questions to diagnose your marital health.



Counsel in a person’s heart is deep water; but a person of understanding draws it out. —Proverbs 20:5

10 Questions To Diagnose Your Marital Health

Now, go through these questions with your spouse to see how you are doing in your marriage:

  1. Is our marriage characterized by grace and forgiveness? Why or why not?
  2. Are we sharing our day-to-day struggles and celebrations with one another?
  3. Are we sharing details about our emotional state and our spiritual journey on a consistent basis?
  4. Can we talk about issues we disagree about without it launching us into an argument?
  5. Are we spending weekly undistracted one-on-one time together?
  6. Is our sex life mutually pleasurable?
  7. Does sex contribute to us feeling closer to one another and to Jesus?
  8. Are we both in pursuit of Jesus Christ through prayer, reading of the Word, and meditation?
  9. Are we periodically doing fun and enjoyable things together?
  10. Do we live in a state of gratitude for one another? Or do we focus on each other’s shortcomings?

If you graded me and quickly found a question or two that should be on the list, be careful not to do the same thing with your spouse. : ) Seriously, there are other important indicators, but these questions are a good place to start.

Grace Marriage Mission

Review this list with your spouse, discuss each question, and diagnose your marital health.


Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.