We can easily begin to slowly drift in the area of physical intimacy. Our schedules get overbooked. We have difficult things going on in our lives. Then, you add the element of our appearance. As we get older, everything drops—gravity is not in our favor. We don’t feel good about the way we look. Then, we start drifting in enjoying sex together. We’re not creative anymore. The regularity goes away. You get the idea.
But sex is important. It bonds us together. It releases chemicals in the brain that draw you together in a great way. Shifting the drift is to have a good sex life. But you have to be intentional to keep your sex life alive and growing.
We want to point out 10 ideas you can use to keep you from drifting in the area of sex.
10 Ways to Shift the Physical Intimacy Drift in Your Marriage
We often talk about how bad phones can be. But, phones don’t have to only be distractions. Use them for good—to stop the drift.
Consider this: send your spouse a suggestive text or joke during the day. Tell your spouse you’re looking forward to being with him for a date later. You’re less likely to drift in this area if you keep it fun.
2. Mix it up
The second thing is to keep it fun—mix it up. Be creative. We can get so stuck in ruts. Any little thing you can do to change things can give your sex life a boost.
3. Earlier the better
The third thing is, “Early sex is great sex.” Because, the later it gets at night, the less likely it is to happen.
So, in the morning or over a lunch break, is great when it happens. The later in the day, for us, the more of a challenge it is.
4. Be fun
Be the drought buster. If it’s been a long period of time since you’ve come together sexually, it can be awkward; but be the one to come forward. Just be fun about it.
5. See the bigger picture
Pursue your spouse even if you aren’t totally clicking. Especially when you’re in a frustrating place. Sex is so powerful. When I pursue Marilyn; when we’re feeling a distance between us, it shows her I value our marriage.
6. Communicate openly about sex
Talk about what you like, and what you don’t like. This is an area that couples neglect—the area of communication. Talk about everything.
7. Schedule sex
We block time on our calendar. Friday is typically a good day for me. We block it off because we have a busy life.
If we don’t block it off and make time for it—it won’t happen. It sounds less romantic. But actually, I find myself really looking forward to it because I know it’s going to happen.
8. Take care of yourself
Get plenty of sleep. If you live exhausted all of the time, you’ll rarely feel like being intimate.
9. If you have kids, get good locks on your doors
I remember, one time, we heard our daughter actually trying to pick the lock. I told Marilyn, “Just let her pick it. If she walks in on us, I guarantee it will be the very last time she picks our lock.”
10. Study and make sex a priority
We talked about communicating about sex. If that’s tough for you, read a book together on sex. Maybe that will allow you to communicate freely about it. If that’s awkward it’s a good option. When you read books together on the subject and you try to grow in blessing one another, you get better and better at it. Make your spouse the priority.
We realize that this is a sensitive, complicated subject. For many, you have difficult histories of abuse, and pornography—a lot of things can make this a very difficult area. If you have a history of abuse or if pornography is an issue or if there are health issues, see a professional.
If you just can’t make progress, you need to talk to a counselor who’s a professional in the area. Pursue growth. It’s way too normal for married couples to drift in the area of sex. So be intentional. Enjoy the good gift God has given. Pursue one another and shift this drift.
Question: Do you feel connected to your spouse?
Grace Marriage Mission
Review these ten ways to shift the physical intimacy drift in your marriage. Which one do you need to work on as a couple?
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.