We can run, but we can’t hide from decisions in marriage. They just keep coming, don’t they?
Where should we live? What should we eat? Where should we go to church? To school? What should we do tonight? Which job should I take? Should we buy this? When should I retire? Which treatment should I take? On and on it goes.
The temptation for some spouses is to explode when faced with a conflicting point of view from their spouse. Others retreat and “just let their spouse decide” for fear of facing conflict. Both responses are detrimental to healthy communication in marriage.
What can you do if you notice communication drift while trying to make a decision with your spouse?
- Ask your spouse for their opinion. It is easy to overlook this simple courtesy. James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield…” Be willing to yield to your spouse by first considering what they think.
- Consider the pros and cons. Look objectively at the decision to be made and write down a list of pros and cons. This will help you separate emotions from the facts of your situation.
- Research. Luke 14:28 says, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it…” Make phone calls, get quotes, search out options, and gather information. For some couples, it will work best to research before talking to your spouse, so you have facts to bring to your spouse. For others, it may work best to ask your spouse first, and then research if you decide to move forward. In all things, measure your decision against God’s Word, be honest, and seek to honor the Lord.
- Seek advice. The Bible says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). Humble yourselves and seek advice from a fellow believer who has gone before you and whose faith you admire.
- Pray. Jeremiah 33:3a says, “Call to Me and I will answer…” Seek the Lord individually before talking to your spouse. Pray about your attitude and ask God to give you a pure and humble heart as you prepare to talk with your spouse. Next, pray with your spouse together and out loud, asking God for help and wisdom. Finally, ask others to pray for you regarding your decision.
Father, be exalted in our marriages as we seek to make decisions in a way that honors our spouse and brings You glory this week.