Loving your spouse well requires wisdom, intentionality, and anticipation.
Marilyn has been out of town for a week and is flying home tonight. Whenever she leaves, she has a habit of making sure everything is in order before she goes. The house is clean, laundry is caught up, and life is organized. She likes coming home to peace, not chaos.
Now, let’s just say that after a week of me living like a bachelor, the house doesn’t naturally stay that way.
Knowing Marilyn, I also know she wouldn’t want to walk through the door after a long day of travel and be greeted by dishes in the sink, clutter on the counters, and evidence that I survived primarily on takeout and convenience.
That isn’t because I’m a mind reader. It’s because I’ve spent years learning what makes Marilyn feel loved. The better we know our spouses, the better we can anticipate what they need.
So I asked myself a simple question: How can I love her well when she gets home tonight?
A few things came to mind.
First, the house needs to be in good shape so she walks into a peaceful environment instead of another project.
Second, I want her to know I genuinely missed her. That means putting down whatever I’m doing, greeting her with enthusiasm, and making sure she knows I’m glad she’s home.
Third, I’ll help her unload the car and carry everything upstairs. After a long trip, the last thing she needs is to do it herself.
Finally, I want to create a relaxed atmosphere. She’s going to be tired, and home should feel like a place where she can breathe.
If I do those things, I will have loved her well tonight.
But here’s what strikes me. None of those things happen by accident. If I don’t think ahead, I could easily leave the house a mess, greet her distractedly, forget to help with her bags, or miss the opportunity to make her feel welcomed home.
Most of us don’t love our spouses very well on autopilot. Most of us don’t love our spouses very well on autopilot. In fact, that’s one of the greatest dangers in marriage. We drift into routines, assume our spouse knows how we feel, and stop looking for intentional ways to love them. (If this idea resonates with you, be sure to read our blog Autopilot Is for Airplanes, Not Marriages.)
Love is often less about grand gestures and more about anticipating meaningful moments before they happen. It takes thought, preparation, and intentional action.
As you begin each day, ask God for wisdom to recognize those moments. Consider what your spouse has on the schedule, what pressures they may be carrying, and one practical way you can make their day a little lighter.
The best expressions of love are often the ones we prepare for before the moment ever arrives.
None of these things are my idea. They’re hers. I’ve simply learned what matters to her. That’s one of the benefits of paying attention to your spouse over the years.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.