For Father’s Day, Marilyn surprised me with a new golf putter. My old one was 38 years old and honestly, it looked older than that. She thought it was time for an upgrade.
I opened the box, admired the putter, and then noticed the price tag still attached to the bottom.
Instead of thanking her for such a thoughtful gift, I immediately went into sticker shock.
“I can’t believe you spent this much! I’m taking it back and buying a used one.”
Father’s Day took a negative turn almost instantly.
Marilyn was frustrated because I had turned a loving gift into a financial discussion. I was frustrated because I thought she had blown up the budget.
From my perspective, she wasn’t honoring our finances.
From her perspective, I wasn’t honoring her generosity.
So, who was right?
Should she have spent less?
Or should I have been a more gracious recipient?
After thinking about it, I don’t believe the problem was the gift. Every once in a while, a spouse should be able to be extravagant. The real problem was my inability to receive it.
There are putters that cost twice what she paid. The issue wasn’t whether it was a reasonable purchase. The issue was that I wanted to control how I was blessed.
And that’s something many of us do.
We’re often quick to sacrifice for our spouse, but uncomfortable when they sacrifice for us. We love being the giver because it feels responsible, generous, and in control. Receiving, however, requires humility. It means allowing someone else to express love in their way instead of insisting they love us in our way.
Sometimes, when we reject the gift, we’re unintentionally rejecting the heart behind it.
Acts of love aren’t only meant to bless the recipient. They’re also meant to bless the giver. When we immediately criticize, minimize, or return the gift, we rob our spouse of the joy they experienced in giving it.
Small moments like these shape the health of a marriage far more than we realize. In fact, we’ve written before about how little patterns often become the silent killer in marriage. Healthy marriages aren’t built only through big moments. They’re built by consistently choosing to honor one another in the small ones.
Ask yourself:
Am I easy to love?
Am I thankful when someone sacrifices for me?
Can I receive love with the same grace that I hope others receive mine?
Scripture reminds us, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). While that’s certainly true, we also need to become people who receive in a way that blesses the giver.
It pains me to type this, but I’m going to keep the putter.
I say that with great hesitation because every part of me still wants to return it, search Facebook Marketplace for a used one, and pocket the difference.
But every time I use it, I’ll be reminded that sometimes the most loving thing we can do isn’t giving.
Sometimes it’s simply receiving with gratitude.
