When we get married, we commit to someone who is incredibly and wildly different from us. The differences between men and women can be significant. Add to that different upbringings, struggles, values, interests, and preferences.
And then we try to merge all of that into one life?
If marriage doesn’t feel easy, it’s because it isn’t. Scripture even tells us that marriage will bring challenges. Don’t get me wrong — marriage is a beautiful gift — but it does come with its share of trouble.
Inevitably (and often daily), you’ll face both small and large decisions where you see things completely differently. So how do you prevent those differences from turning into conflict and distance?
Scripture gives us a clear answer:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and “consider the interests of others above your own.”
If you’re fighting for your way, you’ll likely be fighting. But if you’re seeking your spouse’s good, the dynamic changes. Yes, Scripture teaches that wives are to submit to their husbands , but it also teaches mutual submission. That’s the focus here.
Just yesterday, Marilyn and I had several differences:
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Marilyn wanted to use our wedding dishes. I hesitated, knowing they would all need to be hand-washed and carefully put away.
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We each had different ideas about whom to invite for Thanksgiving.
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I wanted to relax. Marilyn wanted the house to look great for guests.
We had a good day , not because we agreed on everything, but because we both practiced submission. Mutual submission keeps the marriage moving smoothly. Without it, a relationship can easily lock up in gridlock.
There’s a reason Scripture warns against being unequally yoked. When one spouse is committed to selflessness and the other is not, imbalance and frustration can quickly follow. A thriving marriage requires two people who are willing to love, yield, and consider each other.
ACTION ITEM:
Think about the differences between you and your spouse, what you enjoy, what you value, and how you prefer to spend your time. Then intentionally choose to consider your spouse’s interests above your own.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.