Burden or Blessing: A Giver or a Getter?
The best friends and spouses focus on what they can give to their key relationships. Others, however, are more concerned with what they can get from those relationships.
The “what can I get?” people often become a burden, struggling in their relationships, while the “what can I give?” people become a blessing and thrive. Simply put, good friends have good friends.
Life is challenging, and there are seasons when we need to receive more than we can give. However, in our day-to-day interactions, we are happier and more fulfilled when we focus on how we can benefit others rather than what we can take from them.
The “getters” are frequently offended because they feel their friends and family aren’t loving them well enough or giving them enough attention. In contrast, the “givers” take the initiative to enrich the lives of those around them. Getters not only expect to receive but also grow frustrated with those who are needy and have little to offer in return. Their focus is transactional—they are willing to engage if there is something in it for them.
During COVID, I received a call from a giver—a friend of mine who is a lead pastor of a church. He reached out to check on me, saying, “I know COVID has been brutal for Grace Marriage. Are you doing okay? Are you making it? Is there anything I can do for you or pray for you about?” Despite his own struggles—his church not meeting, the pressures of navigating the pandemic—he was concerned about me. Why? Because he is a giver, not a getter. And I noticed something: he was a lot happier and more joyful than those consumed by their own circumstances.
Givers are thankful; getters are always complaining.
Givers are generous; getters are frustrated that others aren’t more generous.
Givers are positive; getters are negative.
Givers are easy to please; getters are never satisfied.
Givers are content; getters live in perpetual frustration—especially with those who have nothing to offer them.
Most of us are a mix of both—we give and we get. But we should all strive to become better friends and partners by giving more. So, ask yourself: Am I more of a getter or a giver?
Action Item:
Spend ten minutes each morning asking God for wisdom on how you can love your spouse and friends well that day.
