🎙️ In this episode of the Grace Marriage Podcast, Brad and Marilyn Rhodes join host Rick Dayton to talk about one of the most neglected and misunderstood topics in Christian marriage—sex. Together, they unpack the emotional, spiritual, and practical aspects of sexual intimacy in marriage, why the church often avoids the conversation, and how couples can begin to communicate about this vital part of their relationship with grace, vulnerability, and intentionality.
Why We Need to Talk About Sex in Christian Marriage
Sex is a God-given gift designed to bring unity, pleasure, and deep connection to marriage. Yet in many Christian communities, it remains one of the most avoided topics. While conversations around parenting, finances, and communication are common in church settings, sex is often left out—leaving couples confused, disconnected, or silently struggling.
Meanwhile, culture talks about sex constantly—often in distorted or unhealthy ways. When the Church stays silent, couples are left to navigate this important part of marriage without biblical guidance or grace-filled conversation.
The Harm of Silence
Many couples enter marriage carrying emotional baggage around sex. Some have been shaped by past trauma, harmful cultural messages, or legalistic teachings that foster shame rather than freedom. Others simply never received honest, biblical guidance on what healthy sexual intimacy looks like in marriage.
When sex is considered taboo in Christian spaces, couples often assume they’re alone in their struggles. Silence breeds isolation. And isolation breeds frustration, unmet needs, and distance.
Addressing sex from a biblical and grace-centered perspective helps couples move from confusion to connection. When churches avoid the topic, they inadvertently leave couples to wrestle with one of the most spiritually and emotionally significant areas of their relationship—alone.
Real-World Challenges to Intimacy
Sexual intimacy in marriage isn’t always simple. Life is full of obstacles that can affect desire and connection: fatigue, young children, stress, physical illness, emotional disconnection, and past trauma all play a role.
Desire also doesn’t always align between spouses. One may be more interested in sex while the other is physically or emotionally unavailable. Left unaddressed, this can lead to frustration, hurt feelings, or resentment.
That’s why communication is essential. Honest, non-judgmental conversations about sex can open the door to understanding, compassion, and mutual care. Couples should feel free to share their desires, boundaries, struggles, and hopes—without shame or fear of rejection.
While sex is an important part of marriage, it’s not the only part. Emotional and spiritual intimacy can continue to deepen even during seasons when physical intimacy is limited. Still, neglecting sex entirely is unwise. Often, the health of a couple’s sex life reflects the overall health of their marriage.
Yes, It’s Okay to Schedule Sex
Many couples wonder whether it’s “unspiritual” to schedule sex. The answer? Not at all.
Just as couples plan for vacations, date nights, or time with friends, planning for intimacy is a way to prioritize each other in the midst of busy lives. Scheduling sex doesn’t make it less meaningful—it communicates value and intentionality.
Of course, grace is essential. Illness, exhaustion, or overwhelming seasons of life may require flexibility. The goal isn’t performance—it’s presence. When couples approach intimacy with understanding and love, the connection deepens over time.
Getting Past the Awkwardness
Let’s be honest: for many, talking about sex with a spouse feels awkward. But awkward isn’t a reason to stay silent—it’s a reason to grow.
One helpful strategy is reading a book on intimacy together. Reading out loud or individually and discussing it can provide a shared starting point for honest conversations. It allows couples to explore difficult topics without defensiveness or pressure.
And here’s a powerful truth: the test of spiritual maturity in your sex life isn’t how often you have sex or how exciting it is—it’s how you respond when things don’t go your way. How we handle rejection, unmet expectations, or seasons of struggle says a lot about our love, character, and grace.
A Word to Church Leaders
The Church cannot afford to stay silent on this issue. Many couples in your congregation are quietly hurting in their sexual relationship. They don’t need shame or silence—they need biblical truth, practical help, and a safe place to grow.
Here are a few ways church leaders can help:
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Talk about it. Include sex and intimacy in your teaching and marriage ministry content—not just the “safe” topics like parenting or budgeting.
- Check out Dr. Juli Slattery’s book and videos on God, Sex & Your Marriage.
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Create safe spaces. Host classes, small groups, or resources that give couples tools for navigating intimacy with honesty and biblical truth.
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Model vulnerability. When leaders speak appropriately and transparently about marriage and intimacy, it gives others permission to do the same.
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Invest in your own marriage. A healthy, thriving marriage is a powerful testimony to your church. Prioritize your spouse—not just for your sake, but as part of your ministry witness.
Healthy churches are built on the foundation of healthy families. And healthy families start with connected, grace-filled marriages—including a vibrant, God-honoring sex life. It’s time to break the silence and give couples the support they need to thrive.
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