Trends come and go.
Remember Members Only jackets? Cabbage Patch Kids? Beanie Babies? Furbys? Tickle Me Elmo? What was popular yesterday can feel completely outdated today.
That is the nature of culture. It is always changing, and it is easy to simply follow along.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
The world has a pattern for marriage too. But as followers of Christ, we are called to something different. We are not called to simply conform to what everyone else is doing. We are called to allow Christ to transform the way we love, serve, and invest in our spouse.
So what does a transformed marriage look like?
We stop asking, “What am I getting?” and start asking, “What am I giving?”
It is easy to approach marriage from a self focused perspective. What is my spouse doing for me? Are they meeting my needs? Are they making me happy?
But marriage was never designed to be primarily about what we get from our spouse. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
A transformed marriage asks, “How can I love my spouse well today?”
That changes the way we approach everything from conflict to communication to everyday acts of service.
We stop giving our marriage the leftovers.
Life is busy. Work, kids, activities, phones, responsibilities, and endless to do lists can slowly push our marriage to the bottom of the list.
Before we realize it, we are living life together but not really connecting.
Marriage needs intentional time. Time is the container in which a marriage grows.
Put down the phone. Make time to talk. Go on a date. Sit together after the kids go to bed. Find ways to laugh again.
You schedule your life around your marriage, not your marriage around your life.
We stop being complacent and start investing.
One of the easiest ways to have a declining marriage is to do nothing.
We understand this everywhere else in life. We maintain our cars. We exercise our bodies. We invest in our finances. Yet sometimes we expect our marriage to remain strong without intentional investment.
A healthy marriage does not happen by accident.
Keep learning each other. Keep dating each other. Keep talking. Keep growing. Keep pursuing one another.
And remember, your children are watching. Have the marriage you want your children to have someday.
The goal is not a perfect marriage. The goal is a marriage that is continually being transformed by Christ.
The world will continue to change its ideas about marriage. But God’s Word does not change.
So the question is simple:
Are we conforming to the patterns around us, or are we allowing Christ to transform the way we love our spouse?
At Grace Marriage, we believe every marriage can grow stronger when couples intentionally pursue God and one another.
Don’t settle for simply going through life together.
Choose to grow together, love well, and live as God intended, as one.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.