🎙️ In this episode of The Grace Marriage Podcast, Brad Rhoads welcomes pastor, church planter, speaker, and illusionist Drew Worsham to dive deep into the topic of curiosity—not just as a trait but as a skill that can transform marriages, leadership, and personal growth. Drew shares how curiosity, often abundant in childhood but lost over time, can be intentionally re-cultivated. Together, Brad and Drew explore how curiosity enriches relationships, especially marriage, by shifting perspectives, asking better questions, and taking small relational risks. They also unpack the impact of pride and insecurity on our capacity to be curious and conclude with practical encouragement for anyone who wants to be more present, loving, and connected in their relationships.
Wake Up—Don’t Drift Through Your Marriage
Most of us can remember the beginning of our relationship—those first few dates when we were wide-eyed and eager to learn everything about the person across the table. We asked dozens of questions, hung on every word, and delighted in even the smallest details. But fast-forward a few years into marriage, and something subtle but powerful often happens: we stop being curious.
Drew Worsham, a pastor and church planter who also spent years as a touring illusionist, calls curiosity a skill—something we’re born with but can lose without realizing it. He notes that the average four-year-old asks 300 questions a day. But by middle school, that number plummets. Life, busyness, and routine tend to suppress our natural inquisitiveness. In marriage, this can quietly erode connection and closeness.
When couples stop asking questions, stop being curious about each other’s thoughts, emotions, dreams, and even stressors, they begin to drift. “We just assume we know our spouse,” Drew says, “but the truth is, our spouses are evolving. They’re not the same person we married.” Staying curious means staying present. It means continuing to discover and rediscover who your spouse is becoming.
So how do we do that? Drew offers three practical steps:
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Change Your Perspective. We often look at our relationship through a self-centered lens—how I feel, what I need, what I’m not getting. But what if we shifted that? What if we asked, “What’s it like to be married to me?” or “How is my spouse experiencing this situation?” Curiosity begins when we stop assuming and start seeking understanding.
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Ask Better Questions. It’s not about being interesting—it’s about being interested. Real connection grows when we take the time to ask meaningful, sincere questions. “Tell me more about that.” “What are you excited about right now?” “What’s been weighing on you lately?” Questions like these don’t just start conversations—they build intimacy.
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Take Small Risks. Whether it’s trying something new, asking a vulnerable question, or stepping into an unfamiliar conversation, small risks keep your marriage vibrant. They also reflect your commitment to growth. As Drew illustrates with lighthearted stories (including eating live octopus in Korea!), curiosity often leads to memorable moments and deeper bonds.
Brad Rhoads, co-host of the podcast and founder of Grace Marriage, shares how curiosity is tied directly to love. “When you care, you ask,” he says. That’s true on a date, and it’s still true twenty years later. In fact, Scripture makes this connection clear. In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are commanded to live with their wives in an understanding way. To understand, you must be curious. You must seek, listen, and care. Brad puts it bluntly: “If you’re not curious about your bride, God says your prayers will be hindered.” That’s how seriously God takes this.
So what does this mean for your marriage?
It means you’re not stuck. If you’ve drifted apart, if you’ve stopped asking questions, you can start again—today. No shame. No condemnation. Just a fresh opportunity to shift from self-interest to shared connection. Sit down tonight and ask your spouse something you haven’t in a long time. Listen closely. Be genuinely interested. Because curiosity may be one of the most underrated, yet powerful ways to love.
A Word to Church Leaders
Church leaders—pastors, elders, staff, and volunteers—this message isn’t just for the couples in your congregation. It’s for you, too.
In ministry, it’s easy to get so focused on pouring into others that you stop investing intentionally in your own marriage. But curiosity can be a simple, yet transformative, practice to reignite connection with your spouse. Ask the questions you haven’t asked in years. Be present. Be interested. Let your marriage be a quiet testimony of God’s grace and intentional love.
And beyond your own marriage, lead by example in your church. Encourage the couples in your congregation to stay curious. Consider preaching on 1 Peter 3:7 or hosting a marriage night built around the theme of “rediscovering your spouse.” Equip your small group leaders to model and teach curiosity as a spiritual and relational discipline.
The world doesn’t need more impressive marriages—it needs more intentional ones. Be the leader who inspires that shift. A curious church is a connected church. And a connected church is a powerful force for the gospel.
Let’s lead the way.
Featured Resource | Drew Worsham’s New Book
Order HERE
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