Episode Overview
What does curiosity have to do with love? More than we think. In fact, curiosity may be one of the clearest ways we show love to our spouse. When we stop assuming, slow down, and ask real questions, we open the door to deeper connection. In this episode of the Grace Marriage Podcast, Brad Rhodes sits down with Drew, author of The Magic of Curiosity, to explore how staying curious can transform a marriage. The takeaway is simple but powerful: the more we choose curiosity, the safer, stronger, and more vibrant our marriages become.
Why curiosity matters in marriage
Curiosity is more than a personality trait. It is a form of love. To be curious is to want to know someone. When you show genuine interest in your spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you are saying, “You matter to me.” Without curiosity, conversations get shallow and marriages drift toward assumptions.
“I’m starting to wonder if you can love someone without being curious.”
Hurry kills curiosity
Life is fast. Jobs, kids, bills, phones, and the constant pace of technology push us toward shortcuts. We assume we know what our spouse is feeling or thinking, but those assumptions rob us of intimacy.
Busyness crowds out the space we need to slow down and ask, “How are you really doing?”
One practical way to fight hurry is to set aside a longer block of time with your spouse. Four or five hours together may sound impossible, but those extended windows often lead to deeper conversations you would never reach in short snippets.
Moving past logistics
Most of us live in “schedule talk”: who is driving the kids, when the appointment is, what bills are due. That is normal, but if we stop there, we miss the heart.
Given enough time, logistics run out. That is when you finally hear about discouragement, hopes, fears, and joys. And those are the conversations that pull you closer together.
Asking better questions
Being curious does not mean interrogating your spouse with a list of prepared questions. It means paying attention and asking simple follow-ups:
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“When you say you are tired, what kind of tired do you mean?”
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“You mentioned feeling discouraged. What does that look like for you today?”
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“That new hobby is giving you energy. Tell me more about it.”
Good curiosity follows the thread of what your spouse is already sharing, instead of forcing the conversation.
Focused curiosity
Curiosity is powerful, but it can also be distracting if it is scattered. Resist the temptation to chase other thoughts, scroll your phone, or let your mind wander. In marriage, the most important curiosity is the one that is focused on your spouse.
Presence communicates, “Right now, you are my priority.”
The “glass box”
When a conflict comes up, such as a travel schedule or finances, imagine placing the issue in a clear box between you. You are not attacking each other. You are turning the box together to see it from all sides.
Instead of defending yourself, get curious:
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“Is it the time away that is hard, or the way it makes you feel?”
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“What would help you feel more prioritized?”
Curiosity shifts the conversation from blame to teamwork.
From checklists to connection
When you truly know your spouse, you do not need a performance checklist. You already know what will bless them because you have been listening. The to-dos flow out of understanding, not pressure.
“Give me your heart, and I’ll figure out the to-dos.”
Try this with your spouse
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Block out at least four hours together in the next two weeks.
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Let the conversation start light and move naturally.
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Use follow-up questions instead of giving quick fixes.
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Share one feeling each and ask, “What does that feel like for you?”
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End with one simple action to show love this week.
Reflection questions
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Where have I been assuming instead of asking?
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What keeps us from having unhurried time together?
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What follow-up question could help me understand my spouse today?
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Which issue do we need to put in the “glass box” and look at together?
A word to pastors and church leaders
Your people are busy. Teach them that love and curiosity belong together. Encourage couples to block extended time for conversation, provide them with starter questions, and create church environments where listening is valued. When couples practice curiosity, homes become calmer and more connected, and churches do too.
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