In today’s fast-paced world, protecting your energy and personal margins isn’t just about self-care—it’s a critical part of maintaining a healthy and thriving marriage.
Earlier this week, I overdid it. By Thursday, I was completely out of gas. I noticed I was less responsive to Marilyn, quicker with my words, and slower in my spirit. Even when I tried to serve her, I lacked the energy and the right heart. At one point, when she asked for help, I just said, “Sorry, I just don’t have it in me.”
That moment was a wake-up call. When you rest, exercise, and protect your personal margin, you are not being selfish—you are actually loving your spouse well. Fatigue strips away your ability to serve with joy and love with intention. It affects you, your spouse, and your family in ways that run deep.
Some people feel guilty for taking time to rest, to do nothing, to exercise, or to enjoy life-giving activities. But the truth is, it’s not selfish—it’s selfless. You will love better when you are refreshed and energized.
Ask Yourself:
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Do I have enough margin in my life to love and serve my spouse well?
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Is my fatigue or overwhelm negatively impacting my marriage?
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Am I modeling rest and renewal in a way that encourages those I love?
Action Item:
Take intentional time to abide in Christ. Rest in Him. Be still. Receive His love so that, filled with the presence of Christ, you can overflow with love to your spouse and family. When we are full of Him, we display His love through our actions at home.
A Word to Pastors and Church Leaders
Pastor, your marriage is your first ministry. The health of your relationship at home overflows into the pulpit and your leadership. You carry a heavy burden, and often, rest is sacrificed in the name of “serving others.” But remember: neglecting rest doesn’t make you more spiritual—it makes you more vulnerable.
Encourage your congregation not just with words, but with your example. Model margin. Model Sabbath. Model love through rest. Your people need to see that it’s possible to serve God wholeheartedly and still prioritize the sacred relationship with your spouse.
Here are three ways to lead well in this area:
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Model Margin – Take your day off. Let your church see you value your family.
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Preach Wholeness – Remind your congregation that rest is holy, and caring for one’s own soul and marriage is part of discipleship.
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Be Real – Share your own need for balance and restoration. It gives people permission to do the same.
You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be present. Protect your energy so you can love well, lead strong, and finish faithful.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.