This episode of the Grace Marriage Podcast features host Brad Rhodes in conversation with Bill Rieser, a minister, speaker, and founder of the recovery ministry Encounter. The episode covers two major themes woven together: the transformative power of forgiveness and the essential role of prayer in marriage. Bill shares his deeply personal story of being sexually assaulted at age 12 by a dangerous man who threatened his life if he told anyone. Bill tells a memorable story about praying for Dave Matthews concert tickets at Madison Square Garden and getting front-row stage seats.
(adapted from Podcast content)
When Forgiveness Feels Impossible
Bill does not talk about forgiveness from a comfortable distance. When he was 12 years old, he was sexually assaulted by a dangerous adult who threatened to kill him and his family if he told anyone. He did not tell anyone for 25 years.
That secret lived inside him through his conversion to Christianity, through forgiving his absent father, and through forgiving people who wronged him in countless other ways. But not this. And he watched it cost him his peace, his identity, and his ability to fully love the people around him. His own daughter was afraid of him, not because he ever struck her, but because his buried rage filled every room he walked into.
At a Promise Keepers event, a speaker addressed anyone in the arena struggling with unforgiveness. Before Bill could even form the words, he felt God say: You are forgiving him tonight. He prayed something radical, not just forgiveness, but that he wanted to see his abuser in heaven, extending the same grace God had shown him.
“The second I prayed that prayer, God’s peace came over me and I’ve never been the same.”
Later that Christmas, his daughter told him: Daddy, I used to be so afraid of you. But I am not afraid of you anymore because God has changed your life. It was, he says, the best Christmas they ever had.
If God could heal that depth of pain, He can heal yours too. No wound is too deep. No history is too broken. God specializes in the impossible.
Forgiveness vs. Trust: What “I Forgive You” Actually Means
One of the most clarifying truths Bill shares is this: forgiveness can happen instantly, but trust has to be rebuilt over time.
True forgiveness is not just spoken. It is believed from the heart. The test? If you keep bringing up past offenses you have claimed to forgive, the forgiveness has not gone all the way through yet. And that is okay. That is something you can take to God right now and ask Him to finish the work.
Real forgiveness means you stop holding someone hostage to who they used to be. It means you choose to close that account and walk forward in freedom. And when both spouses commit to that kind of forgiveness together, marriages do not just survive. They thrive.
The One Thing Couples in Crisis Are Not Doing
Bill has sat with many couples on the verge of divorce, and he says one thing is almost always missing. They are not praying together.
Not praying at each other in the transactional way that amounts to a spousal complaint list submitted to God. But genuine, humble, side by side prayer that sounds like this: Lord, I love you. I need your help. I want to be a better spouse.
“When I can get couples praying together and praying the right way, that changes the whole dynamic in marriage.”
He points to intimacy as the reason. Prayer strips away the performance and the pretense. You are standing before God with your spouse, equally needy, equally dependent, and equally loved. Nothing builds closeness like that. Nothing accelerates healing in a marriage like that.
The truth is bold and simple: prayer should never be a last resort. It should be a first response. Most of us exhaust every human option before we pray. But what if you flipped that today? What if the very first thing you did when you faced a challenge in your marriage was get on your knees together? That single shift could change everything.
Everyone Is in Recovery
Bill’s ministry, Encounter, is built on a premise that surprises people: everyone is in recovery. We have all been hurt. We have all hurt others. We all carry wounds that, left unhealed, become strongholds and distorted beliefs.
“So many people in the body of Christ are walking around with unhealed wounds,” Bill says. “And those unhealed wounds lead to a distorted view of who God is and a distorted view of our identity in Christ.”
The goal is not just sobriety. The goal is freedom. Because Jesus did not die just to get us to heaven. He died so we could live free right now, today, in our homes, in our marriages, and in our hearts.
You are not stuck. You are not too far gone. The same God who healed Bill Rieser wants to heal you.
Start Today
You do not need a perfect marriage to take the next step. You just need a willing heart.
Forgiveness is a heart issue, not just a verbal declaration. Ask God to help you forgive from the inside out, and trust Him to complete that work in you. Remember that forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. You can extend one freely while rebuilding the other through consistent, faithful action over time.
Begin praying together, even just five minutes before bed. Let the prayers be honest and not performative. Bring the small things and the big things. God cares about all of it.
Make prayer a first response to whatever your marriage is facing today. Watch what God does when you stop treating Him like a backup plan and start treating Him like the Author of your love story.
A Word to Church Leaders
Pastors and church leaders, the marriages in your congregation are one of the greatest mission fields you will ever touch, and you already have everything you need to make a difference. You do not need a counseling degree or a marriage ministry budget to start. You need to normalize honest conversation about marriage from the pulpit, encourage couples to pray together as a first response rather than a last resort, and consistently preach the identity and love of Jesus Christ that sets people free from the wounds and unforgiveness quietly destroying their homes. When couples know who they are in Christ, when they pray together, and when they experience the safety of a church that talks openly about real marriage struggles, everything changes. You are not just building strong families. You are advancing the kingdom of God one marriage at a time.
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