Yesterday, I found myself being snappy with the kids and generally irritable. I was sharp with my son and even called my 15-year-old selfish. It felt like everything was getting on my nerves.
There are several heavy things I’ve been processing lately. Thinking about them makes me sad. One involves someone very close to me who has chosen a destructive life path, making it impossible for us to welcome that person into our home right now.
Another is the fear of losing someone dear to me who is facing significant health issues. On top of that, I’ve been carrying the weight of some big-picture work concerns.
These circumstances don’t excuse my behavior, but they certainly contributed to my short temper. Spousal awareness led to self-awareness when Marilyn gently let me know that being kind to my children would be a better approach.
What mattered most was what happened next.
After sharing that with me, Marilyn didn’t hold my attitude against me. We had a wonderful evening, and my internal struggles didn’t create division between us. It reminded me of Romans 6:14: “Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.”
Marilyn chose grace. As a result, my irritability didn’t gain a foothold in our marriage. Had she withdrawn or harbored resentment, the outcome of our night could have been very different.
Two Lessons from This
1. Give the Benefit of the Doubt
When your spouse is irritable or snappy, resist the urge to take it personally. Assume there may be something deeper going on beneath the surface. Extend grace. Seek to understand and support rather than react to the outward expression of their struggle.
2. Communicate Openly
It would have helped if I had been more transparent about what I was carrying. When spouses understand each other’s internal world, it becomes easier to respond with compassion.
That said, communication should never be used to justify poor behavior. Sharing isn’t about making excuses it’s about maintaining honest, open lines of connection.
Grace does not mean ignoring problems.
Grace does not mean tolerating emotional or physical abuse.
Grace does not mean accepting infidelity.
Grace and truth must always walk together.
