Scripture tells us that when we get married, “those who marry will face many troubles in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28). Marriage is amazing. It is fun. To borrow a line from School of Rock, it’s the “bee’s knees.” I love doing life with my best friend. You could even call marriage “your best friend forever…with benefits.”
But marriage is not without challenges.
Merging two lives into one is never easy. Two people raised by different parents, with different experiences, priorities, personalities, preferences, and perspectives, are trying to become one. It is beautiful, but it is not effortless.
So when you have a hard day, a frustrating conversation, or a small argument, don’t panic. You are normal. Give grace. Pursue repair. Focus on the good. Keep moving forward together.
Marilyn and I serve in marriage ministry, and even we have difficult seasons. One challenge for us has been learning how to work together effectively. This past year, we invited a trusted third party to help us navigate some ongoing tension.
That outside perspective brought clarity and gave both of us insight we needed. He was able to say things to Marilyn that I struggled to communicate effectively, and he challenged me in ways that would have been difficult for Marilyn to do herself. I realized that pride and poor listening were hurting our relationship. Marilyn was encouraged to be more affirming, less critical, and more patient when her ideas were not immediately acted upon.
Those honest conversations changed the direction of our relationship. We began moving toward healthier communication, deeper understanding, and greater unity.
A strong marriage is not a marriage without problems. A strong marriage is one where two people are willing to grow, humble themselves, learn new skills, and work through difficulties together. Every challenge becomes an opportunity for growth, maturity, and deeper connection.
So don’t panic when issues arise. Deal with them.
And when you do, remember this advice a counselor once gave me: “Play in your own backyard.” In other words, focus on your own growth before obsessing over your spouse’s shortcomings. Draw closer to Christ. Learn to love your spouse better. Work on becoming more patient, more gracious, and more understanding.
Marriage is a gift. Enjoy the gift. Protect the gift. Adjust when necessary. And never forget that healthy marriages are not built by perfection, but by consistent repair.
Now, it should go without saying that this does not apply to abuse or unrepentant infidelity. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, or destructive patterns should never be ignored or excused “in the name of love.” Enabling harmful behavior is not grace; it is damaging to everyone involved.
Marriage brings the full buffet of life: joy and frustration, laughter and boredom, beauty and brokenness. Most marriages experience all of it at different times. So don’t complain because every dish is not steak. Be grateful for the buffet. Savor the good moments, and allow the difficult ones to draw you closer to each other—and closer to Jesus Christ.
Peace out 😊
