Why Prioritizing Your Marriage Makes You a Better Parent (and a Stronger Family)

In today’s fast-paced world, parents move mountains to give their kids every opportunity—sports, music lessons, school events—you name it. But in the rush to be “good parents,” many couples make a crucial mistake: neglecting their marriage.

Sound familiar? Maybe date nights are rare. Maybe your conversations revolve around the kids. Maybe your relationship is running on empty, waiting for “someday” when life slows down.

Here’s the hard truth: neglecting your marriage in the name of parenting isn’t just unwise—it’s unhealthy for everyone, including your children. Let’s explore why.

1. A Strong Marriage is a Gift to Your Kids

Children thrive in a home where love, security, and unity are the foundation. Your marriage sets the tone. When kids see their parents loving and prioritizing each other, they learn how to build healthy relationships in their own lives.

A thriving marriage isn’t just a bonus—it’s one of the best gifts you can give your kids.

2. Child-Centered Homes Create Long-Term Issues

Many families function as if their kids are the center of the universe—every decision and moment revolves around them. But here’s the problem: life won’t always work that way.

Children raised in child-centered homes often struggle with entitlement, difficulty adapting to adulthood, and relationship challenges when they realize they won’t always be the focus.

Your home should be marriage-centered, not child-centered.

3. Your Future Marriage Depends on What You Build Now

Fast forward 18 years. The kids are grown. What’s left of your marriage?

For too many couples, the answer is: not much.

When all your time and emotional energy go into raising kids while neglecting your relationship, the empty nest feels more like an empty marriage. This explains the rising divorce rates among couples over 50.

If you want a thriving marriage in the future, you must invest in it now.

4. You’re Modeling Marriage for the Next Generation

Your kids are watching—and they will carry your example into their own marriages. If they see you neglect your spouse in favor of busyness, they’ll likely repeat the cycle.

Later, they might struggle with boundaries, enmeshed parents, and unhealthy relationship patterns. By prioritizing your spouse, you show them what real love and partnership look like.

So, What’s the Solution?

Let’s be real—parenting is exhausting, and carving out time for your spouse isn’t always easy. But you make time for what matters.

Couples often say they don’t have five hours a week for each other, yet they somehow find twenty for out-of-town games and practices. It’s time to shift priorities.

• Schedule regular date nights. Even if it’s just coffee and a walk, make it happen.
• Set boundaries around family time. Your marriage deserves sacred, uninterrupted moments.
• Show affection openly. Let your kids see you hug, laugh, and enjoy each other.
• Talk about something other than the kids. Dream, plan, and connect like you did before parenting took over.

The world’s pattern is burnout and marital neglect. Don’t conform. Prioritize a Christ-centered, love-filled marriage—and watch your whole family flourish.

A Word to Pastors and Church Leaders

As spiritual leaders, you have a powerful role in shaping how marriage is valued within your congregation. The pressures of ministry can sometimes strain a pastor’s marriage, making it easy to prioritize the needs of the church over the needs of your spouse. However, a healthy, thriving marriage is one of the greatest testimonies you can offer your church.

Encouragement for Your Own Marriage

• Set boundaries for ministry time. Protect time with your spouse and family, recognizing that your marriage is also a part of your calling.
• Model a strong marriage. Let your congregation see you prioritizing your spouse through date nights, kind words, and intentional connection.
• Seek accountability and mentorship. Have trusted friends or mentors who encourage and support your marriage journey.

Encouraging Your Congregation

• Preach on marriage regularly. Help your church understand that a strong marriage is a crucial part of a strong family.
• Offer marriage enrichment opportunities. Host retreats, date nights, or workshops to strengthen relationships within your church.
• Encourage couples to invest in their marriage. Provide resources, counseling, and community to support healthy marriages.

Strong marriages create strong families, and strong families build strong churches. By prioritizing marriage—both in your own life and in your congregation—you foster a culture where love, faith, and commitment thrive.