In the rhythm of everyday life, it’s easy to let familiarity and busyness replace intentionality—especially in marriage. As years go by, holidays like birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s or Father’s Day often lose their spark. What once felt special might now feel neglected—or even dreaded.
Many spouses have felt the sting of an overlooked occasion. Some respond with self-talk like, “I shouldn’t be offended. I shouldn’t expect much.” But deep down, most of us long to be seen, celebrated, and cherished.
Make Holidays Something to Anticipate, Not Dread
Holidays don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. What matters most is that they’re thoughtful. Even small, low-cost gestures can communicate deep love and honor. Here are some affordable yet meaningful ideas:
Low-Cost Ways to Celebrate Your Spouse
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Handwritten Letter: Share what you appreciate about them or reflect on a shared memory.
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Cook a Special Meal: Light a candle, play soft music, and serve their favorite dish at home.
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Create a Photo Collage or Slideshow: Use your phone to put together meaningful photos with a message.
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Memory Walk: Take a walk to a place that holds significance in your relationship and reminisce.
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Favorite Drink or Treat: Surprise them with their go-to coffee or snack, presented with a sweet note.
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Acts of Service Coupon Book: Offer simple acts of kindness—like breakfast in bed, a massage, or taking over a chore.
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Plan a DIY Date Night: Movie at home, game night, or a themed dinner using things you already have.
These don’t cost much—but they cost thoughtfulness, which is what most spouses truly want.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
One husband once said on Mother’s Day, “You’re not my mother,” to justify not doing anything. Ouch. Technically true, but emotionally tone-deaf. Honoring your spouse—especially as the parent of your children—is about love, not logic.
If gift-giving doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s okay! Lean on others. I often ask my daughters—they’re creative and insightful. You don’t need to be the best; you just need to be intentional.
Pro-Tip: Start a Gift & Date Idea List
One of the best ways to stay thoughtful is to create a simple “Gift & Date Idea” list on your phone. Add ideas your spouse mentions, things you notice, or inspiration from others. Then when a holiday rolls around, you’re ready. This prevents last-minute panic and helps you be consistently intentional.
Reflect God’s Love in Practical Ways
God delights in us. He’s generous, patient, and kind—and we’re called to reflect that love in our relationships. Loving well doesn’t mean spending a lot. It means being present, engaged, and consistent.
A Word to Pastors and Church Leaders
Dear Pastors and Leaders,
As those who shepherd others, you carry immense responsibility—but your first ministry is at home. It’s easy to give your best energy to the church and offer your spouse the leftovers, especially around busy seasons and holidays. But loving your spouse well—not extravagantly, but intentionally—is one of your most powerful sermons.
1. Model Intentional, Budget-Friendly Love
Use what you have. Write a note. Plan a walk. Share a favorite song or prayer together. Show your congregation that love doesn’t need a big budget—it needs big heart. Your congregation is watching, not for perfection, but authenticity and consistency.
2. Offer Simple Ideas from the Pulpit
Around Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, or Mother’s/Father’s Day, mention practical, affordable ways to celebrate. Encourage your people with things like:
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“Write three things you love about your spouse and leave it on the mirror.”
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“Plan a backyard picnic with your kids or spouse.”
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“Pray a blessing over your spouse aloud that day.”
These small nudges plant seeds that grow over time.
3. Create a Culture of Encouragement
Ask your team or leaders, “What’s one small thing you’re doing this week to love your spouse?” Celebrate the ordinary moments. Highlighting real-life, low-cost stories removes pressure and fosters creativity.
4. Care for Marriages Behind the Scenes
Sometimes the best ministry is unseen. If you know a couple in your church who’s struggling, gift them a free date night with child care. Or offer printed “Date Night Cards” with creative, low-cost ideas for them to use. Encourage Sabbath rest—not just from work, but from relational neglect.
Final Thought:
Marriage doesn’t need to be glamorous to be glorious. Thoughtfulness speaks louder than any price tag. Love intentionally. Celebrate consistently. And above all, reflect the love of a God who never forgets, never overlooks, and always pursues.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.