THE DANGER OF EASY
For some, being married seems easy. It’s easy to get along. Fights are rare. Both spouses genuinely like each other. For others, it’s far from easy. They get on each other’s nerves, and small things spark fights. Marriage just doesn’t seem to naturally click.
I have a friend in one of these more difficult marriages. When he was engaged, he and his wife consulted a psychologist who, after thorough assessments, gave their marriage a one percent chance of success. He told me, “We have made it and are doing well. However, we totally see why the psychologist gave us that 1 percent number.” They are one of those couples who have personalities that require them to work harder to stay connected and remain married. Their intentionality keeps them thriving.
Another friend has one of those easier marriages. They are both laid back and get along well, almost never arguing. However, their marriage is less connected and growing than the first couple I mentioned. Why? The ease of marriage has brought a complacency that has resulted in a less-than-optimal norm. The lack of proactive investment is holding them back from experiencing true marital bliss.
There is a danger in easy. Pain and difficulties can be good motivators. The second couple hasn’t felt the need to invest because they have not experienced much difficulty. Is their marriage in danger of immediate collapse? Probably not. But do they have tremendous room to grow in enjoyment and connection? Absolutely.
If you are in one of those harder marriages, work and invest. You can have an amazing marriage. If you are in a marriage that has little conflict and seems easy, don’t let the lack of difficulty be a catalyst for complacency.
Action Point:** Do two things a day to invest in your spouse and your marriage. Remember the Biblical principle of reaping and sowing. It is unlikely you will reap daily if you do not sow daily. Small, consistent efforts compound over time, leading to significant improvements in your relationship.
A Word to Pastors and Church Leaders
Pastors and church leaders, your marriage is not only a personal matter but also a powerful example to your congregation. Prioritize your relationship with your spouse, demonstrating a healthy marriage that reflects the love and commitment you preach. Encourage your congregation to view marriage as a vital foundation for family and personal well-being.
Consider these practical steps:
- Lead by Example:** Be open about the importance of marriage in your own life. Share relatable stories (without oversharing).
- Offer Resources:** Provide marriage counseling, workshops, and small groups focused on marital enrichment.
- Preach on Marriage:** Regularly address marriage in sermons, offering biblical insights and practical advice.
- Support Struggling Couples:** Create a safe environment where couples feel comfortable seeking help.
- Promote Date Nights:** Encourage couples to prioritize regular date nights and quality time together.
By prioritizing and supporting strong marriages, you strengthen the entire church community.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.