I have encouraged couples to invest in their marriage, spend time together, and intentionally grow their relationship. One response I often hear is, “We are just in a season where that isn’t possible.”
I understand that. I really do.
The demands on a marriage can change dramatically throughout the years. There are seasons when life feels manageable and seasons when it feels like there simply aren’t enough hours in the day.
But here is the problem with the “it’s a season” argument. We are always in a season.
For us, we had a season of babies. Then came a season of busy young kids. Then came a season of youth sports, school activities, and a calendar that seemed to fill itself. We had a season of launching a new ministry and all the demands that came with it. Now, we are in a season where we want to spend more time with aging parents and relatives.
Every season has its own demands.
And every season has the potential to take something away from your marriage if you don’t intentionally protect it.
Think about it.
The season of babies can take your sleep, energy, and privacy.
The season of raising young children can take your attention because there is always someone who needs something.
The season of youth sports can take your evenings and weekends.
The season of a demanding career can take your mental and emotional energy, even after you walk through the front door.
The season of ministry can take your margin because there is always another person who needs help.
The season of caring for aging parents can take your time, emotional capacity, and flexibility.
Even the empty nest season can bring its own challenges. Suddenly, the children who once filled your home and your schedule are gone, and you may realize that somewhere along the way, you stopped intentionally investing in the relationship that was there before the children.
None of these seasons are bad. In fact, many of them are beautiful gifts from God.
But good things can still become dangerous things when they consistently push our marriage to the bottom of the priority list.
That is the danger of saying, “It’s just a season.”
Because if we aren’t careful, a temporary season can create permanent patterns.
We stop having conversations because we are too tired.
We stop dating because there isn’t time.
We stop pursuing one another because the kids need us.
We stop making our marriage a priority because work is demanding.
We stop being intentional because we assume things will get better when this season is over.
And then another season comes.
The baby grows up, but sports begin.
Sports end, but college begins.
College ends, but careers begin.
Then grandchildren arrive.
Then aging parents need us.
There is always something.
The goal isn’t to wait for a season when life becomes easy enough to invest in your marriage. The goal is to learn how to invest in your marriage in the season you are in.
That investment may look different from one season to another.
A couple with a newborn may not be able to sneak away for a weekend together, but they can intentionally reserve time every evening to talk and connect after the baby goes to sleep.
A couple with teenagers may not have the flexibility they once had, but they can protect one evening a month for a date.
A couple with demanding careers may not have hours together every night, but they can put their phones away and give each other their full attention.
A couple caring for aging parents may not have the freedom they once had, but they can intentionally find ways to connect while driving, sharing a meal, or sitting together at the end of the day.
The investment may change, but the intentionality cannot disappear.
Scripture says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” Hebrews 13:4
To honor something means we treat it as valuable. We protect it. We give it attention. We don’t simply care for it when it is convenient.
Your marriage deserves to be honored in every season.
So instead of asking, “When will this season finally be over so we can focus on our marriage?” perhaps the better question is, “How can we protect and strengthen our marriage in the season God has us in right now?”
What is your current season demanding from you?
What could that season unintentionally take away from your marriage?
And what can you do to protect your relationship from being crowded out?
You don’t need more discretionary time to invest in your marriage.
You need to decide that your marriage is important enough to invest in even when time is not discretionary.
Because there will always be another season.
Don’t wait for the perfect one to take care of your marriage.
