The Paintbrush of Shame
When we make a mistake, the enemy wants to paint our entire being with it. If we make a parenting mistake, we may feel like terrible parents. If we have an argument in marriage, we may believe we have a terrible marriage. Be careful of the paintbrush of shame—your mistakes do not define your identity.
Your identity is in Jesus. Growth thrives in an atmosphere of victory and grace, not in one of failure and shame. The mindset of “I’m not good enough, but I’ll try harder” is ineffective. Instead, embrace the truth: “I am a child of God and will continue to live into who I truly am.” This is the path of true transformation.
When your spouse gives you feedback or constructive criticism, see it as an opportunity for growth rather than an attack on your character. It is an observation, not a judgment. Our hope rests in the grace of Jesus Christ, not in our performance or consistency. Therefore, when your efforts are questioned or criticized, it does not shake the truth of who you are in Christ.
If your confidence is rooted in performance or others’ perceptions, even small critiques can feel overwhelming. Instead, fight to believe in who God says you are. Be like the wise person who embraces correction rather than the fool who reacts with frustration (see Proverbs).
Choose to view all feedback as an opportunity for growth, not as confirmation of failure. God has promised to complete the work He has begun in you—trust Him and keep growing.
Action Item
Ask your spouse how you can love them better. Take notes, listen with an open heart, and—without self-condemnation—take intentional steps to grow as a loving and supportive partner.
