Episode Overview
In this episode of the Grace Marriage Podcast, Brad sits down with longtime pastor and discipleship leader Rick Howerton to talk about what it really takes to sustain a marriage through decades of ups and downs. Drawing from his 48 years of marriage and years of ministry, Rick shares how grace, patience, and intentional investment can carry couples through dry spells, disappointments, and heavy seasons of life. Together, they explore why feelings alone won’t keep you together, why every marriage needs ongoing investment, and how offering grace (without ignoring real problems) can transform the hardest seasons into the most fruitful ones.
Every marriage hits seasons that demand extra grace, forgiveness, and patience. That’s not failure. That’s normal. What matters is how you respond.
The “No Exit” Mindset That Changes Everything
Before he officiated weddings, Rick Howerton asked engaged couples one last question: “For what reason would you divorce the person sitting across from you?”
If the answer wasn’t biblical, he pressed pause. Why? Because storms will come, and our culture makes bailing feel easy. A covenant mindset (we’re in this for life) creates the safety to work through hard seasons instead of running from them.
Grace Is the Oil in the Engine
You won’t always “feel in love.” Feelings rise and fall; commitment and practice keep you close. In dry spells, stay in the game. Keep showing love. On the far side of a dark valley is often the brightest season.
Grace isn’t pretending problems don’t exist. Grace tells the truth with kindness. It says, “I love you, and I’m worried about you,” not “You’re failing me.” Grace confronts to heal, not to win.
Prioritize Your Marriage—On Purpose
Nothing grows by accident. If you stop investing time, conversation, and fun, your relationship drifts toward a roommate vibe. Weekly date nights, small daily check-ins, and planned rest keep you connected especially when life is heavy.
Warning sign: When work, ministry, or “a short busy season” becomes the norm, passion for everything erodes—starting with your spouse. Decide which field you’re really playing on.
Try This Week: 5 Small Practices with Big Impact
These are meant to be simple, doable steps—pick one or two and start today.
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Name the season. Together finish this sentence: “Right now feels like a season of ______, so we’ll need extra ______.”
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Grace audit. Ask, “Where do you need the most grace from me this week?” Then reflect: “Where do I need grace from you?”
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Non-negotiable touchpoint. Schedule a 20-minute no-screens check-in, three times this week. Use “highs, lows, hope” as a quick format.
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Date it anyway. Even if it’s burgers and tears in the car—show up for each other. The point is connection, not perfection.
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One courageous “no.” Say no to a good thing so you can say yes to your marriage. Tell someone why, and invite them to hold you to it.
Conversation Starters for Your Next Coffee
Use these prompts to open up, not to argue.
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What’s one pressure I might be under that you don’t fully see?
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In what area do you feel most alone—and how can I show up there this week?
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When I’m stressed, what does support look like to you: listening, solutions, or space?
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What’s one tradition (weekly or monthly) we can add that would refill our tank?
If You’re in a Tough Spot
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Ask for help. Counseling, a mature mentor couple, or your church can provide support and perspective.
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Keep short accounts. Quick apologies and quick forgiveness protect connection.
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Don’t confuse grace with avoidance. Speak the truth in love. Set boundaries that aim at healing, not punishment.
Marriage is a long run. You’ll get winded sometimes. Keep running…together. Grace won’t remove every hill, but it will keep the engine humming while you climb them.
A Word to Pastors & Church Leaders (and the Churches Who Love Them)
Ministry isn’t an excuse to neglect your home; it’s a reason to model a healthy one. Leading out of your marriage strengthens your calling and your church. Elder boards and congregations can love pastors well by encouraging healthy “no’s” and cheering for time with their spouse.
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