NOT EVERYONE IS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!
I remember meeting my husband. Our story is a bit different. We met in late October at a Bible study for young adults and grad students (in my favorite city…Pittsburgh). We were friends for a short time, started dating on December 1, became verbally engaged on Dec 7, he gave me a ring on Dec 17, and we were married on Aug 7. It felt like a fairytale, a Christmas Hallmark movie, or I was Sandra Bullock in a blockbuster. Who wouldn’t be happy for us? Well…lots of people.
Let me fill you in on the past almost 19 years:
- During our engagement, several friends (separately) attempted to talk us out of getting married.
- I found out later that one of my friends thought I was making a colossal mistake but was afraid to tell me.
- At our wedding, someone said about our marriage certificate: “There’s a paper for the shredder”.
- After we were married, a family member was not supportive of our marriage, which caused conflict in our marriage.
- Someone we went to church with took me aside and reprimanded me that I need not rub or touch my husband’s back while in church because she could tell it irritated him. (I told him, and his response was, “I love that, please don’t stop doing that”).
- Someone told us our boundaries in our marriage are too strict and we need to change them.
- People have been angry with me when I refused to commit to activities that happened to be on our weekly date night.
I’m sure much more has been said about our marriage that either I forgot or just did not get back to me. Could some of these people have good intentions? Maybe, however, they are not part of the marriage.
It is SO important to have healthy boundaries and healthy communication in marriage.
Lisa Bevere wrote, “God does not love us equally; he loves us uniquely”. She explains that equality means we are the same and replaceable, but when something is unique, it is irreplaceable. Our marriages are unique and irreplaceable. We cannot compare our marriages to others or model our marriages after others’ views on the outside. God has designed your marriage to be different from others, a unique tool to show his character to the world. Not everyone will support it, and Satan will target it however he can.
Guard your marriage. To guard something is to stand watch, most likely with a weapon (scripture), on high alert, always ready for an attack because what you guard is of precious value. Friends, your marriage, is precious, unique, and valuable. It needs protection.
How to Protect Your Marriage:
- Pray daily for your spouse and your marriage.
- Know what scripture says and obey it in your personal and married life.
- If people are not for your marriage, don’t support it, talk negatively to you about it, exclude your spouse, or try to plant negative thoughts about your spouse in your head…you need to distance yourself from people like that and maintain healthy boundaries. (Notice I did not say burning the bridge and spit on the ashes…we are to live in peace with all people, as much as possible. Romans 12:18)
- Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be faithful, who pray for you, who love and respect you and your spouse, who affirm what God is teaching you, and who want to see your marriage succeed.
- Be in consistent healthy communication with your spouse about concerns and red flags you see.
- Pray for discernment.
Remember, two are stronger than one. I’d much rather stand guard with someone of the same heart and mind than do it on my own. Stand united to protect your marriage and remember NOT EVERYONE IS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.
