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Quality assurance and the secret for how to fight fair in marriage

By February 10, 2021December 20th, 2022No Comments

“This call may be recorded for quality assurance.”

We’ve all heard this line before. Companies record conversations to use against their employees or customers at a later date. “Quality assurance” can be a fancy term for “be careful what you say because we have it all on tape.”

Unfortunately, this happens a lot in marriage. When things get heated, we turn on the recorder so we can use our spouse’s words against them in the future. In our sinful nature, we want to turn conversations back on our spouse to make them feel shame or guilt. We feel vindicated and always want to be “right.”

If this behavior becomes a habit in our marriage, it will tear the relationship apart. There is a way to fight fair in marriage, this is not it. Recording and recounting conversations is a sure fire way to push your spouse away. This model is the opposite of a “grace marriage.”

Jesus is clear in Scripture about our sins being as far as the east is from the west. He does not hold on to our sins and record them for future conversations. We will never sin against our spouse as much as we have sinned against our Lord, and yet He is faithful to erase our sins and forgive.

Recording and remembering conversations under the guise of “quality assurance” in our marriage is never a healthy practice. We need to go before the Lord to ask for patience and grace with our spouse. Jesus forgave it all, so we have the freedom to do the same for our spouse.

Here are a couple of Bible verses to keep in mind the next time you want to bring up a past wrongdoing.

  • “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” —Psalm 103:12
  • “[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” —1 Corinthians 13:5


Grace Marriage Mission

Next time you and your spouse have a disagreement, try to focus on giving grace and uplifting one another instead of recording each other’s words for the future.

  • Can you forget their words and forgive them?
  • Can you love them despite things they may have said in anger or frustration?
  • How can you move forward without holding a grudge?

Remember that you and your spouse are on the same team. Recording a conversation to use as ammunition in the future is not a good practice for teammates. In order to work together to thrive in marriage, you need to give lots and lots and lots of grace.



Louise has been married for 15 years and has four children. She loves to write and edit, but her full-time job is homeschooling her children in Colorado Springs.