Many businesses require employees to participate in a yearly business review or assessment to see what is going well, what can be improved, and what goals may be attained. They learn from this information to become more profitable, efficient, and healthier.
Marriages can also benefit from this model of assessment. Talking through the different areas of marriage to see what is going well and what can use some improvement will serve as a helpful point of connection and direction as you seek to grow closer to the Lord and each other.
It’s important to note that the goal of this exercise is open, honest communication. That means nothing said should be held against you or your spouse; there is no condemnation during this exercise.
We are working together to enjoy one another more and more. We desire that God will continue to receive more and more glory in our marriages. This assessment exercise can be a helpful tool to revisit throughout your marriage. It is a safe, constructive way to talk through the wins and losses we all experience in marriage—without leaving it in that place. And looking forward together allows us to be excited about what we can change and correct as a team. It is so encouraging to put a plan in place for continued health and connection in our marriages! Spend time together looking back so you can look forward with confidence and excitement.
Spiritual Connection:
- Are we spending time with Jesus in his Word? Do we need to spend more time?
- How is our prayer life? Individually? Together?
- Are we observing a weekly Sabbath? How is it going?
- Do we talk about spiritual matters together regularly? How can we carve out more time to do so?
- What habits can we put into place to draw closer to the Lord and grow closer to one another?
Communication:
- Do we feel like we are connected emotionally? Why or why not?
- Is either of us avoiding an issue that must be dealt with? If so, what is it?
- Are we experiencing relational depth or is our communication mainly limited to “errand talk”?
- How can we improve our communication and connection?
- Are we able to disagree effectively? Why or why not?
- Is technology a barrier to relational connection with either of us? If so, how can we plan to do better next quarter?
Dating:
- Have we had adequate undistracted one-on-one dates last year?
- What fun things did we enjoy last year? Is there anything fun you would like to plan to do together this year?
- Did we do any service activities last year? What are some service activities we could do together in the upcoming year?
Physical Touch/Sex:
- Are we coming together frequently enough? Why or why not?
- How was our sex life last year?
- Is there anything I can do to be more of a blessing to you in our physical intimacy? If so, what?
Make sure you consider your spouse when you answer this question. Do not ask him/her to do something he or she is not comfortable with.
Finances:
- Are we on the same page financially?
- How can I bless you more in the area of budgeting?
- Do you feel comfortable with our level of giving and saving from last year? If not, what changes can we make this year?
- Are there any big purchases we need to make this year?
Big Picture:
- Is our marriage becoming less enjoyable, staying the same, or becoming more enjoyable?
- What dangers or risks do you see? Any easy course correction to fix it?
- What is going well? How can we maintain these ‘wins’? What can be improved?
- A marriage assessment’s “looking forward” portion is just as important as the “looking back.” Looking forward excites us about what we can change and correct together. Putting a plan in place for continued health and connection in our marriages is encouraging.
