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Why couples drift apart and how to overcome it

By March 18, 2021December 20th, 2022No Comments

As a mother of four children born within six years, I often heard a question that started like this: “Mom, where is my…?” Almost always, my reply back was, “Where do you remember last seeing or using it?” But soccer cleats and homework aren’t the only things that get lost in the shuffle of life.

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”Ephesians 4:2-3

Remember your faith.

Many of us look up from the busyness and distractions of life one day to find that we can’t remember where we left our faith. As children, or even as teenagers, we accepted the call of God without much hesitation. But as we’ve grown into adulthood, we’ve become skeptics. We’ve become angry and jaded along the way, refusing to rest in God’s love for us. Where did we last see our faith?

Remember your joy.

Some of us have lost our joy. The simple things in life—a perfectly-formed daisy or a beautiful bluebird—used to thrill us. A phone call from a dear friend had us smiling for hours afterward. But somewhere in the hustle of daily living, we’ve stopped taking the time to savor the good gifts of God. And as a result, our lives have come to resemble a checklist of thankless tasks. Where did we leave our joy?

And how about our marriages? How closely does your marriage today resemble the one you said you wanted when you got engaged?

Remember having fun.

What about the fun times you used to share with your spouse? Are those tucked away somewhere in a mental scrapbook? Or, are you both making sure you keep inventing new ways of having fun together?

Did your spouse used to laugh at your jokes? Did the laughter stop when you started making jokes at their expense? Maybe it’s time to ask for a “do-over.” Practice using silliness instead of sarcasm and see if you can’t locate their laughter once again.

Remember your love.

Is romance a distant memory for the two of you? Think back to your dating years, when you would go to great lengths to impress each other. Go to that kind of trouble again! If you know your wife’s favorite flower or candy, get it for her….on a regular old Thursday. If you make a terrific cake for your husband’s birthday every year, make it for him on a day when he’s least expecting it.

Remember being thoughtful.

Have you somehow misplaced the kind words you used to speak to each other? Go back and read some love notes you wrote in the early days to jog your memory, then write a brand new one! Notice the little things about each other and shell out some compliments.

Remember your mission.

Did you begin your marriage on fire for God, ready to make an impact for Him and His Kingdom together? Maybe these days, it’s hard to drag yourselves to church or read a short devotional. Pray a simple prayer tonight before you go to sleep, that God would reignite your passion for Him and that He would show you new ways to serve Him together.

I promise you, God will delight in answering this prayer. He is the expert when it comes to turning what was once lost into something found.



Jennifer Bell has been married to her high school sweetheart, Brant, for 30 years. They’ve raised three sons and one daughter to adulthood, and are still best friends. She recently became “Mimi” to a new grandson, Elijah. She enjoys being part of the worship team at church, reading, and spending time with her book club friends, and just hanging out with her family in Franklin, TN.