We often drift in communication. We start our relationships by talking a lot. I know Brad and I, when we were dating, we would spend hours talking on the phone or at the end of the day. We could sit in the car and talk for hours. But then when we were married, overtime, our communication would drift and become less frequent—less deep.
To avoid this drift, you need to know what’s going on in each other’s life—not just the errands and stuff—but the emotional things—the spiritual things—what’s really going on in your heart. If we don’t, we can drift into really bad habits.
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. —Matthew 19:6
2 Signs of Communication Drift in Your Marriage
Sign 1: Bedtime
If you’re going to bed at different times, odds are good you’re not talking face-to-face as much as you could. Maybe it’s mealtimes. Are you eating and talking at the table, or in front of the TV?
If you’re not, have the heart communication you need, the problem is often because when you’re together, either one or both of you are checking out. It might be to simply watch a show. But, we’re not able to have deep communication when we’re regularly distracted.
Question: How often do you go to bed at different times than your spouse?
Sign 2: Cell phones
Cell phones are one of the biggest causes of drift in communication. It’s tough to stay connected when you’re constantly glancing up and down at a phone. There’s always a reason we can get on the phone. It takes a strategy and effort to avoid drifting in our communications.
We don’t need to end our nights on our phones. We need to connect daily—all of us do. In our marriage, we try to have a habit—not every night—but most nights—we try to end the evening by sitting in the same chairs and debriefing about the day. Sharing what went well or what’s not going well keeps us connected. It helps us not drift.
Do whatever works for you and your spouse. Find a spot to retreat, even for a few minutes, in the evening. Or, find time to date. The point is to spend time together. Through time together, you’ll end up talking more and sharing things you wouldn’t otherwise share. The evil one wants to divide and isolate you.
Question: Is technology a distraction in your marriage?
Grace Marriage Mission
Consider the two communication drifts. Is there something you and your spouse need to change in how you use your cell phone or bedtime routines?
Marilyn Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.