She looked into the mirror, wondering how it all fell apart. She audibly said, “How did we get here”. Twenty years of marriage had passed, and those two 20-year-old kids would be outraged at who they had become in this marriage. Life happened to these two love birds, they lost people, they had been hurt and callused by friends and family, they experienced traumatic life events both personal and societal, and very slowly, with each obstacle they faced, they put their heads down and powered through.
As they powered through, they did not have the energy or chose not to address the problems they faced in the marriage, and these small hurts and disappointments piled up. Powering through took a toll on who they were individually and as a couple. If you have ever driven a toll road, you know if you are not prepared for the fees, you eventually run out of money. So here she stands, twenty years into marriage, and is asking herself and God…
Have you been here…maybe not married 20 years…5, 10, 15, 50 years? What can we do?
Let’s not strive for the past but recognize our identity as an individual in Christ and as a couple. “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:62
This might be a hard conversation, but if we ignore or refuse to identify the struggles, we will continue to face the same problems and frustrations. “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way, obey the law of Christ.” Gal 6:2
First, we must repent before God for where we fell short. To continue to move forward, we must be able to say, “I’m sorry (to our spouse), I was wrong, and I will do my absolute best to rely on God and change my behaviors. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” James 5:16a
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” Eph 4:32
I challenge you today to examine yourself and your marriage and move through these steps to build the marriage God has designed for you and your spouse. I pray that you allow God to soften your heart and humble your pride while he builds your confidence in Him to heal your marriage.
